A Gift of Life
By Linda Fielstein

My husband, Elliot, and I will never forget Christmas 1999. On December 23, I greeted my new daughter, Jodie Bea (Zhong Xuan), and her father at the Nashville airport. It had been a long trip for my husband, and it took great courage on Elliot's part to take the trip alone. Although we were very excited, we were also very apprehensive. We had never been parents before, and we were at least two decades older than most new parents. Also, we were adopting a six-year old child who did not know a word of English (and Elliot did not know a word of Chinese). I was overcome with tears of joy when I met my Jodie. I will always be grateful to my husband for bringing home my adorable, sweet, affectionate, smart, inquisitive, active, funny, and appreciative child.

I highlight the word "appreciative" because this is a rare and endearing quality that we do not see on a regular basis in American children. When we were contemplating the age of the child we wanted to adopt, we recalled the words of a Chinese friend and advisor, Weihang Chen, who said, "If you adopt older children, they know what they have left behind and they will always be appreciative of what you have done." Initially we were amused by his comment, because as we have approached our fifties, we have observed many of our friends' children come of age, and rarely have we witnessed overt signs of appreciation. But besides that, parenting is a selfless act - having a grateful child would be nice, but certainly not expected; it should not be a motive for wanting to become a parent. Actually, I think we were more moved by Weihang's second comment, which was, "Older children hardly ever come by a chance of having a new life because adoptive parents seem to want the younger children." This was all we needed to hear.

Weihang was accurate in his prediction about how appreciative older children are when they find homes. Jodie manifests daily (through her words and deeds) her gratitude to us for giving her a family and a home. She had yearned for a family when she was in the orphanage; when the time came, she was prepared for the transition. There were no attachment issues; she bonded quickly.

Although having an appreciative child was not our motivation for choosing to adopt an older child, I must admit, it is gratifying to experience. Jodie never tires of hearing the adoption story, of how Mommy and Daddy saw her sweet picture and Mommy said to Daddy, "You go to China right now, and bring my daughter home to me." Jodie then inquires, "But how did you find me way over there? And how did you know that I was the one?" We respond, "God found you. He knew you were the one for us." I'll never forget the day someone asked me how we got Jodie, and I launched into this long-winded explanation regarding the adoption process. Finally Jodie blurted out, "No, Mommy, God gave me to you!" It is truly unfortunate that adults have taken the miracle of adoption and turned it into a convoluted and laborious paper trail.

Nor will I forget the day that Jodie ran out of toilet paper in her bathroom and she looked so disheartened. Since she could not speak English, I took her by the hand and led her into the kitchen; I pointed to the top shelf in the pantry. She caught a glimpse of an economy-size package of toilet paper (purchased from one of our many discount chain stores). Her face lit up like a Christmas tree, and she twirled around the kitchen, squealing with laughter, at the mere sight of twelve rolls of toilet paper! Who would have thought paper products such as tissue paper, Kleenex and napkins (which we tend to take for granted) could be such a source of bliss for a child?

About six months ago Elliot was talking to Jodie as he tucked her into bed and she asked him to retell the adoption story. After he had finished, she exclaimed, "Then we must thank God right now! Let's pray, Dad, for what God has done for our family." Within one year of having Jodie as our child, I could fill a book with incidences such as these.

In closing, I want to say that not only is Jodie thankful, but so are we. She has opened our eyes to a pure and honest perspective. We are grateful to Jodie for transporting us beyond ourselves and the daily grind, to a world we never knew existed. Or if we did, it must have faded from our memories with the passage of time. Not having children, we had become overly involved in our careers. We glorified (and inflated) academic achievements, and spent way too much time thinking about what to buy or where to go on our next vacation. In retrospect we had overindulged ourselves and in the process had failed to recognize simple pleasures, or even to find satisfaction from those scholarly accomplishments.

While Jodie languished in an orphanage, uninspired and deprived, insecure by circumstance, we languished in America, uninspired by comforts and indifferent to security and safety. While she yearned for a family, we yearned also, but could not pinpoint (as Jodie was able to do) what it was that was missing. What we could not identify, she could. Not only could she imagine how wonderful it would be to be part of a family, but she could articulate it. She is correct: Family is truly the greatest achievement of all. Thank you, Jodie, for coming half way around the world to open our eyes to this rather simple, but elusive truth. We are the ones who are grateful to you for giving us this gift of life.

10/9/01 4:16 PM