Amazing Grace
By Donna McFarlane

My daughter's name explains the feelings I have toward adopting her and bringing her into my family. Her name is Grace. What a gift she is from God! I know every child is a gift, but there is something special about a child who is so wanted that a parent would put herself through the process involved in adoption. It takes a great deal of faith and patience (not my strong suit) to adopt a child.

My story begins in January 1997. I was a single woman in my mid-thirties who desperately wanted to have a child. I knew having a biological child was not an option for me. So, after years of thinking about adoption, I made my first phone call to an agency. Thus began the informational seminars, data collection, decision-making and waiting.

Once I had chosen an agency, the next major decision was to pick the country from which I would adopt. From the beginning, I was leaning towards China. Several factors influenced this decision: I knew I wanted a healthy girl who was as young as possible. The fact that I was single also played a role in my decision as it narrowed down the countries from which I was able to adopt. Of equal importance was the fact that I had an interest in Chinese culture and felt I could embrace her heritage. Now, for someone who has done very little traveling in her life, this was an awesome commitment, as I knew I would have to go there!

As anyone who has been through the process knows, the paperwork is endless. The process was intrusive at times, and left me wondering why all parents weren't put through such an ordeal before having children! Once the paperwork was complete, the long wait ensued. I am one of those people who, once a decision has been made, wants something right away! Therefore, the sixteen-month wait from the time I started the paperwork until I traveled was not easy.

During this period I tried to connect with as many people as possible who knew about adoption in general and specifically about adoption from China. I joined Families With Children From China and went to almost every event they offered. I also attended seminars given by the Alliance for Children. I joined an online site for waiting parents that was an invaluable source of information and encouragement. I read anything and everything I could get my hands on. In addition, I joined a group of single women who were all waiting for children from China. Today, we all have our children and meet on a regular basis so that the kids can play together and see families that look similar to their own.

On July 9, 1998, I received the call I had been waiting for for so long. When I looked a Grace's referral photograph, I fell in love with her instantly. She was a perfect, healthy seven-and-a-half month old baby girl. I remember noticing her big, round eyes right away. She appeared so alert and bright-eyed. Now came the most difficult wait of all!

I had to wait two months after I received the referral before I could travel. During this time, I finished Grace's room, shopped and talked with a friend who was in my travel group. Although I was nervous about the actual trip to China, I was confident about my decision and about becoming this child's forever mother. I longed to be with her and to hold her in my arms. I hoped and prayed that she was safe, healthy, happy and loved.

The first time I laid eyes on Grace was when her foster mother carried her out of a hotel room into the hall where I was waiting. I cried the moment I saw her. I felt truly blessed to have this child in my life. I remember trying not to frighten her, as this scene must have been so overwhelming for her. After a short time of talking to her I took her in my arms for the first time. I felt instantly bonded to this beautiful baby. I felt that this was how it was meant to be. This was one of the happiest moments of my life.

For the first three or four days Grace pined for her foster mother. She did not smile, ate little, looked frightened all the time and constantly wanted to be held. On or about the fifth day, Grace smiled for the first time. What a beautiful smile she had! This was the first sign that she was bonding to me and feeling safe. By the time we had returned to the U.S. we had bonded closely with one another.

We have now been home for three years, and every day has been more fulfilling than the one preceding. It is a match made in heaven! Grace is a sweet, loving and funny child. She is a caring and kind person, and I couldn't be more proud of her. Grace's keen memory and acute intelligence amazes me every day. Adopting Grace is the best decision I have ever made. I constantly hear people say that they don't understand how I could choose to be a single parent. They feel it must be so difficult. In reality, life is a thousand times better than it was before I adopted Grace. She has brought so much love and happiness into my life and I truly enjoy spending my time with her. This beautiful child is and always will be my "Amazing Grace."