Isabelle's Story

Recently, Frank and Betsy Rose of Arlington went into their daughter Isabelle's nursery. Tears filled up in their eyes as they watched their little miracle sleeping in her crib. They were happy tears that took seven long years to realize.

This is a special time for Frank and Betsy and their five month old daughter. It is National Adoption Month, their first together as a family of three. They'd like to celebrate by sharing their story.

Most Arlington residents remember the April Fool's Day Blizzard of 1997. Like their neighbors, Frank and Betsy sat huddled under blankets without heat or electricity. They ate tuna fish sandwiches on the living room floor and tried to stay warm. But what was different about Frank and Betsy is that they had more on their minds than just the weather.

It was that very day that they had been to the IVF Clinic to hear about the next step in their infertility workup. It was that night that they talked into the wee hours about how they wanted to get off the roller coaster. It was, as Betsy says, that night that Isabelle was born in their hearts.

When Frank and Betsy first made the decision to discontinue their infertility treatments and build a family through adoption, they put themselves onto an international adoption track. They had heard that their ages would preclude them from being considered for a domestic adoption, and they were comfortable with the issues they would face in becoming a multicultural family.

But then they learned that there were ways for them to pursue a domestic adoption. For them that way was open adoption. It was almost unbelievable--what was once their biggest fear and the most unacceptable piece of the adoption puzzle was going to make their dream come true.

Frank and Betsy had to take time to really learn about open adoption. They had to stop listening to what other people thought and listen more to their own voices. They had to open their minds and their hearts, to move beyond their own fears and limitations. And in the end they gained much more than they ever thought possible.

They turned to Alliance For Children of Wellesley for home study services and Full Circle Adoptions of Northampton to help locate a birth mother considering an adoption plan. There were, as one might expect, a few false starts and disappointments along the way. But once the connection was made they were fully committed. They moved forward and never turned back.

The Roses describe Isabelle's birth mother as a very intelligent, caring, and respectful person who wanted to give her baby something more than she had to offer, something more than she ever had for herself. She was always sensitive to their role as adoptive parents, and met the difficult challenges in her life with a very good heart.

Betsy spent three days in the hospital with Isabelle's birth mother and grandmother. They were among the most important and intense three days of her entire life. Through them she learned to appreciate what she had, to worry less about material goods and think more about the intangibles in her life.

As the time approached for Isabelle to be born, Frank joined them. They were all in the labor room when Isabelle was born. lsabelle's grandfather was the first to hold the tiny newborn. Frank remembers what happened next with the deepest gratitude. "He handed her to me and asked me to take good care of her. What a gift that was."

Adoption is not all sunshine and roses, of course. There was pain and sadness, fear and anxiety. Betsy had her own uncertainties to deal with. And it has been hard for lsabelle's birth mother to pick herself up and move on. But they are all comforted in the knowledge that they will always be a part of each other's lives. They have yet to work out the details of all that, and when and how they connect in the future has yet to be determined. But they are not afraid of future contact. In fact, when the time comes, they will welcome it.

Frank and Betsy have advice for others who may be toying with adoption themselves. "Don't be afraid," they say with confidence. They view their adoption as both a gift and an opportunity, and they are certain that others can, too. They know people who feel that they could never love a child who is not their "own." Well, Frank and Betsy have been there, and they know, deep in their hearts, that Isabelle is every bit their own, as much as if they had conceived and birthed her.

Much to their delight, parenthood has been everything they dreamed about-- and more. Isabelle is full of life and spirit, and she makes every day a new adventure. She is an absolute joy, and Frank and Betsy couldn't be happier.

That is what they were working toward for the past seven years, and what they imagined they would get in their adoption process. What they hadn't expected, what came as such a wonderful surprise, is that they had the good fortune to meet such a brave and caring young woman and become part of an extended family who cares about them deeply. Not only did Frank and Betsy Rose become parents, but through this experience they became better people. They couldn't have asked for anything more.