Considering More than 1, 2, or 3!
By Judy Collins

When Ashley came home, almost 11 years ago, it was a dream come true. We had become parents even though at times we doubted that something so wonderful would happen to us. Ashley was just four days old when she was placed in my arms. We were given an incredible gift, and the weight of the responsibility was felt as we carried her to her new home.

Life was wonderful, filled with giggles and smiles, ribbons and bows and lots and lots of hugs. We didn't dare think that we would be so fortunate twice, but when Ashley was 3 we seriously began to think about the possibility of another child. There was a lot to be considered. How would our family change? We all fit together so nicely; would another child fit too? We had a rhythm, how would that be changed by a new child? How would Ashley, my baby, react to being a big sister? These were questions that were pretty important to us, more important than how could we afford the cost of an adoption or the additional expense of another child. We felt those things would fall into place if the decision was made to have another child.

Well, we did finally make the decision to add another child to our already perfect family. The usual fears ran through my head. I knew I was a good mom, but I had never experienced having to share myself. Ashley had me all to herself, something that no other child would ever have. I wondered if it would be possible to love another child with the volume and depth of my heart and soul like I loved Ashley. Of course, my friends all told me, "You don't split yourself, your capacity just grows!" "It's miraculous," they said, "how your love multiplies with every child."

In September of 1995, our family was blessed with an angel from the East. Brittany came home from China at the age of 10.5 months. When I first laid eyes on her, I knew that what my friends had told me was true. My heart overflowed, and she was instantly my daughter. All the thoughts that were running through my mind vanished in that instant.

Our rhythm was a little different, we were now a family of four. It took a little longer to get out the door in the morning and to get to bed in the evening. Ashley no longer had our undivided attention but she got to be "the big sister" and tell her sister the rules of the house. She had a little person who looked up to her like she was a goddess and Ashley thought this was just the way it should be. They developed such an incredible and loving relationship and were the best of friends. Ashley was right there with a bottle or a blankie or a doll when she felt her sister needed something. She was very protective and was a great little mother. To think I was afraid that Brittany would not get enough attention from us. I am ashamed to have not considered the love that Ashley would lavish upon this long awaited member of our family.

Life was so wonderful and joyous that it didn't take long to realize that we needed to become a family of 5. We submitted our paperwork to adopt another child from China and on Mother's day, 1998, our daughter Madison became ours. She was a tiny little baby, just 6 months old. The usual guilt ran through my mind. I wondered how Brittany would handle being the "MIDDLE" child. Would she be okay, or would she write a scathing book about us someday. Would this new baby be a third wheel? Have I disrupted the special relationship between Ashley and Brittany?

Again, these fears were replaced by the realization that my kids are wonderful, resilient and truly enjoy each other. Brittany is an easygoing child and is very forgiving if I take a little too long with a diaper change when she needs me. I should say that Brittany has an uncanny ability to need me the most just as I take a poopy diaper off of Madison. But she is patient nonetheless. Madison is nobody's third wheel. She lets us know that daily! Ashley is my big helper and keeps her sisters busy and happy when mom is giving one of them a bath or rocking someone to sleep.

Our family is once again in a wonderful rhythm. It may not look like it most days, but it's there. It's there under the clutter of toys that announce that my children had fun today, or the pile of laundry that commemorates a day at the playground or in their smiles as they look at each other across the dinner table. I am a bit more tired but couldn't be more blessed. We have three times the giggles and smiles, ribbons and bows and hugs now. The days of being a family of three or four is just a blur. This is perfect... Although...a family of six sounds kind of nice.